Sunday 27th July 2008
MMM evening !
I have had a really ruff day. I had a brilliant BBQ yesterday loads of meat and friends but very aware that this would be the last supper, and to be honest with you i started to get a bit upset of what was ahead, as they tell you in your councelling sessions this course is like an alcoholic being taken away from drink, but obvivously in my case its food.
Well i woke up this morning to find my bed was empty apart from myself, looked out the window and my partner and my BBQ friends were outside having their morning coffee, my partner asked me if i faniced "one of those things" (by this i was hoping he ment my lightlife food packs) he did and we proceeded to make my first shake.
So the powder got mixed with the water ect and suprisingly it smelt like it was ment to (rasberrys), so quite happy with the result i went for my first gulp, i can honestly say that i have never smelt something that tasted so different than it did from the smell, i may aswell off put a cardboard box in the blender, if fact im still feeling quite stomach churny from it.
I decided i needed to be out of the house today with all that left over food, so decided to go to my mum's for a bit of support and luckily supportive she was. I did however remember that on sunday myself and Martin usually go to his parents for a roast and a big lovely roast it always is, Martin said that we didnt have to go but bearing in mind Martin needs to eat i said we would go. In the end Martin decided he would eat at home and we would go to his parents to see them after they finished eating (they decided the roast was out the window due to the heat but the BBQ was on! aaahhh)
So whilst at mums i had a chicken soup and a choclate shake ontop of all the water i have to drink and to be honest they were not to bad but felt really really sick so all off this sickness and not liking the foodpacks is putting me off the food.
We turned up at Martins parents only to find that they were still eating this did not bother me as much as i thought it would at all in fact i was quite proud of myself. We discussed the holiday we are due to go on in 4 weeks and it made me think deeply about being able to cope on holiday without food and booze and it is eating away at my head, ill proberly explain tomorrow but right now i am sooooooo tired.
After leaving Martins parents we discussed what he would have for dinner and he told me he would eat it in the other room, i am sure thqt this would be preferential to some people but to me it seems sneaky and id rather everything was normal as i dont want to feel uncomfortable.
I have been so miserable today because i have been starving and i think it is only because i have been thinking about this damn not eating normal food stuff, i have told myself not to give up because hunger is expected, its not saying im allergic to the diet so therefore i give up, this is a nateral reaction. I am however pissed off that everything i read from the lightlife magazine so far the articals people have written say that they were not hungry atall in the first week , i suppose that they have to write things to encourage people to join BUT THIS DOES NOT HELP ME i want to know that other people were going through the same as i am.
im such a grumpy bitch aaaaahhhhh i just want to cry ! I will write again tomorrow. 
